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back...again [07 Dec 2009|12:06am]
ok so I know I've been away for a while....facebook has taken over.

Life is weird now. I'm beginning to feel my age creeping up on me and it's so weird.

I miss LA sometimes. But I like this adventure I'm currently on.

Portland is cool...but it's not as weird as everone says it is. It's a fairly mellow place, except for all the crackheads and homelss folks, but every major city has those.

I miss my friends in California most. The friends I have here are just mediocre. I love them but they just don't get 'it' with me for some reason. maybe they're not crazy enough.

i dunno.
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oh my goodness [26 Oct 2009|02:36pm]
i forgot i had this thing.
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The song [06 Jun 2009|01:27am]
'"The Tears" by Robots in Disguise.

It's pretty much my favorite right now.

other than that:
I've been doing a lot of photography lately. I think I've found my new calling.
I don't have a synth anymore and need a new one.
I want to finish this little stop-motion piece i've been working on.

work work work. but it's all fun work.
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quick update [28 May 2009|12:39pm]
Life is grand here in the north west.
I love my job.
I love my friends.
I love the immense greenery EVERYWHERE.
and I especially love the sunshine.


Summer is going to be awesome.
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Moving [28 Jan 2009|02:22pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

To Oregon on the 11th!

Oh man, I'm so excited.


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why oh why [17 Dec 2008|01:09pm]
It's so much easier to live in the worlds of the books I read as opposed to trying to make sense of the real one sitting in front of me.

books are my best friends!

oh and screw tv.

tvs are like strippers, they show you everything and leave nothing to you're imagination. hahaha.
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arg [12 Dec 2008|11:13am]
life keeps on throwing me raging curve balls. I think these past couple months have been the worst EVER. I'm slowly hanging by a thread waiting for the wind to carry me away. It's really rediculous. Sometime before the end of the year, I'll be losing my house....again. Still not prepared. Lifes just has to keep sucking me under doesn't it? The answer is yes. Because these are the times that build strength. It's just so hard to keep my friendships and business relationships when I have to keep moving around like this.

I guess only time will tell what will happen with me.
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Happy Birthday to me! [03 Dec 2008|05:04pm]

I'm actually sick today hahaha!! but I celebrated bits of my birthday on monday by seeing a dope show at Pehrspace and I'll be seeing Otto Von Schirach and Venetian Snares on the 12th. Plus I'll be in LA on Friday just hanging out.

In other news, I rehashed my obsession with Shaye Saint John...:

what a trip! delicious aleon.
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itchy (writing, internal monologue) [21 Nov 2008|05:03pm]

I've got that itch again. That unmistakeable urge to be and do. Anxious I guess. Perhaps stir crazy.
It happens to me a lot. I get nervous and antsy. I don't know what the cure for it is. I usually take myself to the city and find pockets of insanity to feed this need to subsist. It bides time to think about the quality of these situations.  But lately it's been creeping in so quickly that I don't recall the details. Just swelling and rushing, and that voracious buzzing of the silence I'm required to fill.

Do I sit? Or perhaps stand? Create something to be an outside vessel to this hunger? Sit with this ache until it subsides into grief and frustration?

Must I do in order to be? Or can I sit here and continue to contemplate around the subject?
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So....(this may be a bit depressing) [06 Nov 2008|07:00pm]
[ mood | calm ]

My week has been traumatic and exhausting so far.

I lost my dad to a heart attack on tuesday (he did have to outshine Obama didn't he?, lol) . He went quickly and didn't suffer, which is good. We buried him today.

I'm still in the stage of disbelief. Luckily my best friend has been staying at our house for the past 2 days and we've had family and friends coming by and giving us their loves and supports. I'm dealing with it rather well. I've never really been the kind of person to dwell on painful situations for too long. I'm always able to find the humor in these types of situations. I know it may be a bit morbid but, eh, it's how I cope.

I mean, he wasn't my favorite person in the world, but it's nice to know he's at peace (FINALLY). He wasn't very happy here and I think he knew he was going to go. A lot of good things will come from this. A lot of growth for my mom and my brother.

I'm gonna go watch tv and drink a beer. hahahahaha.

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WORST. HALLOWEEN. EVER. [01 Nov 2008|01:05pm]
 I drove all the way to LA...ended up getting a wicked bad migraine. The ones that keep getting progressively worse as time goes on. Drove around for an hour looking for parking so i could find my friends in WeHo. Then walked around west hollywood searching for my friends for 2 hours. The migraine got worse. Decided I was over it and wanted to go to this house party on Crenshaw but felt like I was going to vomit and die when I got back to my car after searching for my friends to no avail. Then to make matters worse, I had to sit in traffic for 3 hours just to get out of Los Angeles (mind you My head is pounding and the lights are just making it worse). What a waste of a perfectly good Halloween. I didn't even get to dance. Stupid headaches!

I got home at 4. I left WeHo at around 12:30. It took me THAT long to get to the 101 (anyone who lives in LA knows thats absurd.)

When I got home I was seeing these weird spotted anemone looking things in front of my eyes from the headache.

so basically I spent my halloween alone and in severe pain.
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yoyoyoyoyoyo [20 Oct 2008|01:00pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

ok I know I haven't been here in a while but I've been moving, and working my butt off so I can move again.

I'm still going back and forth between Los Angeles and San Francisco. But it's looking more like LA seeing as how my best friend and I are going to start a sketch comedy thing, and she lives in LA. It would be rediculous and a waste of money to move to San Fran. I also thought about how many people I dislike that live in SF and how uncomfortable that would make me feel.

In other news. I'm not voting. I've never voted and I'm not really sure I want to start. I've already gotten yelled at by the mass of political do-gooders. But I just don't really believe in voting for a system that is potentially more of a hazard than a help. Sure, I can look at the cadidates and the propositions and make a deduction in my head about what I'd 'like' to happen. But is my vote even really being heard? I don't trust it. That's what it all boils down to. How am I to be sure my vote is heard? With the proof of past election scandals, who really knows? I dure don't.

And yes, I'll probably be the old lady who pulls all her savings out of the banks and puts it under her mattress :)

Halloween is coming up. I'm excited! What is everyone going to be?

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oh no! [12 Oct 2008|12:46pm]
my dog is sick. She's been doing this wheezing thing and she's thrown up twice within the past 24 hours. She won't eat food and she's sleeping all day. The shitty part is that there aren't any Vets that are open right now and the emergency vet wants to charge me $500 to run some tests.

bummer. I hope she can wait til tomorrow.
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I never do these in here...but i liked it [18 Sep 2008|05:02pm]
stolen from the elusive Rob

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:
1. Where are you right now?
2. You are one of the most fascinating individual I've ever met.
3. Hi mom.
4. stop being such a douche bag
5. I'm glad I don't have to question my sanity alone
6. I wish I could blow you up with my mind.
7. I kinda wish we were friends again.
8. Why did you get me sick?
9. Sorry I disappointed you.
10. do you ever shut up?

Nine Things About Myself:
1. I'm a girl
2. I like the color purple...alot
3. I have an ulcer
4. I dance all the time. 24/7
5. I love to cook.
6. I like to drink good beer.
7. Music is my air.
8. I love true crime books
9. I'm a vegetarian

Eight Ways to Win My Heart:
1. a good sense of humor. I love to laugh
2. a love for music of all kinds
3. be creative minded
4. intelligent conversation, mental stimulation
5. teaching me new and interesting things
6. being childlike without being childish.
7. love for travel
8. confidence without being cocky

Seven Things That Cross My Mind a Lot:
1. am I crazy?
2. what do i do with my life?
3. Los Angeles or San Francisco?
4. why am I so tired?
5. God, i'll be 22 in 3 months.
6. I'm glad my ulcer is going away.
7. i wish...(insert various things here)

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
1. write
2. draw a picture
3. brush teeth
4. 61 point meditation
5. pjs
6. turn out lights

Five People Who Mean a Lot:
1. Mom
2. Bro
3. Grandma
4. Aunt Carol
5. Aunt Tina

Four Things I'm Wearing Right Now:
1. edge sweatshirt
2. Nirvana shirt
3. teddy bear pj pants
4. a bandana

Three Songs That I Listen to Often (Currently):
1. B-O-O-T-A-Y- Spank Rock
2. Japanese Candy- Little Teeth
3. Fetus-Pagoda

Two Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
1. be happy with myself
2. travel...alot

One Confession:
1. I'm sick :(
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free again! [08 Sep 2008|09:48am]
I'm so STOKED! I finally paid for that ticket I had looming over my head. I feel good. I feel great actually. ugh court matters are no fun, but I'm glad it's over with and now I can move on with my life. THANK THE LORD! I was so stressed over that ticket. Now I can get back to planning my life and making music.

Speaking of music,
I've been having to use my desktop to make music cause my laptop is beyond broken and I need to get a new one, but don't have the money to do so yet. It's actually kinda nice having all this room to play around and add buttloads of new samples and such. I've also decided to participate in this remix contest that Tidy Kid is having for the song "Fluffy Bunny" it should be fun. Well back to remixing!
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once again [11 Aug 2008|09:15pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Ok Los Angeles or San Francisco? I just wanna know people views on both of these cities. They are both lovely, I know. But what do you think about them? Things you love, things you hate. I'm just weighing out the options.

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boom boom boom [04 Aug 2008|06:03pm]
I'm going to North Dakota to visit the grandparents. They are getting pretty old and who knows when I'll see them again. Kinda sad, but it's a part of life. They live in the middle of nowhere. They are 2 hours from the nearest city. But they have fun stuff to do and many animals to play with. I'm pretty excited. 
After I come back I'm gonna need to get on top of moving back to LA.  Which means finding roommates, finding an apartment/house, and relocating the job. A lot of work, but completely necessary. 

Enough of the serious stuff. I need to ask you guys for some new music. Any suggestions? I don't care about genre or any of that, just stuff you think is cool. 

I'm drinking a beer called 3 philosophers. It's got the faint taste of cherry, it's delightful and cold. Everyone should try it, though it's kind of pricey. It's like $8, but it's 9.4% alchohol, which is pretty intense for a beer. The beer with the highest percentage that I've experienced is called Lobotomy Bach. And it's 10.8%...

ok rants are over. have a good night folks!
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I wish... [30 Jul 2008|01:29pm]
I had a better job. Working for your parents is not the way to go. The sad part is that, I've been looking for jobs but none of them offer any sort of future. I want to work somewhere that doesn't make me cold call people or bust my ass for nothing. I really just can't hang with that amount of stress. I'm crumbling.

Off to apply for better jobs!
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wow, this got personal. [29 Jul 2008|11:59am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

We just had a nice little earthquake which made me realize that I have NO idea what to do in a major earthquake situation. Some people say stand in the doorway...others say don't. Some people say go outside...others say don't. I'm not really clear on what to do, I mean I don't want to die because someone told me to stand in a doorway, ya know?

In other news, apparently I'm coming out of the closet. Someone that I went to high school with sent me a random myspace message telling me how glad she was that I was starting to come out of the closet, and how she always kinda knew in high school that i liked girls...blah blah blah.I asked here where she got this info. She hasn't responded. I kinda sat there baffled and realized that a lot of people think I'm a bit dykie. maybe it's because of my inherent lack of interest in most things deemed girly. Or maybe it's because my voice is kinda deep for a girl. Or maybe it's the way i dress. Maybe I'm super gay and just don't know it yet...hahahahaha.

At this point in my life, all bets are off. I don't particularly care about being labled, or trying to act a certain way to come off as something else. This is where i stand: I don't care if you're a boy or a girl, people are people. love and relationships come in many shapes and sizes. I am not ashamed of thinking this way, nor do I believe everyone should be this way. I never thought I'd have to explain a part of my life that takes up such a minor part of who i am.

Oh and just in case you were wondering I don't see people as colors either.

-end rant-

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Alive? [21 Jul 2008|03:14pm]
I guess I've gotten "sick" of people. I've spent this past three weeks by myself mostly because I've been sick sick sick. I got down to reading, drawing, painting, making music and I liked it. It was needed. Plus it gave me a chance to weed out all the people i thought were friends but really just took advantage of my kindness. I feel happier and healthier and way more in control of my life. Goes to show that sometimes you just need to think you're gonna die in order to know how to live.
4 comments|post comment

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